February 2012
19 posts
4 tags
Feb 26th
5 notes
2 tags
Last night at the Diner with a ~certain someone~
I said something funny, as I tend to do, and they barfed out of their nose. As disgusting as it sounds, it was way more funneh than gross. Not naming names.
Feb 23rd
9 notes
3 tags
Feb 21st
9 notes
4 tags
Feb 20th
17 notes
4 tags
Feb 19th
1,591 notes
5 tags
Feb 16th
5 notes
2 tags
Feb 15th
11 notes
1 tag
Feb 15th
9 notes
3 tags
Feb 14th
10 notes
4 tags
Feb 14th
1 note
2 tags
Feb 13th
5 notes
1 tag
Feb 11th
11 notes
2 tags
It's exhausting how often I have to switch Dunkin...
because the workers get too clingy. I just want my coffee, folks. 
Feb 10th
9 notes
3 tags
WatchWatch
It defies all laws of science, but Zsa Zsa Gabor lasted another year. Unless that weird husband of hers turned her carcass into a human puppet. This sure backs up that conspiracy. Anyway, Happy 95th or whatever your true age is, Zsa Zsa!  Lindsay who?!
Feb 6th
5 notes
5 tags
Feb 6th
2 notes
I need a root canal
womp womp
Feb 3rd
4 notes
3 tags
Feb 3rd
9 notes
3 tags
Feb 2nd
7 notes
2 tags
I'll never understand people who
become teachers at their high school Alma mater.
Feb 1st
8 notes
January 2012
14 posts
1 tag
Jan 30th
9 notes
4 tags
Jan 28th
17 notes
2 tags
Jan 27th
10 notes
2 tags
Jan 23rd
4 tags
Jan 23rd
13 notes
2 tags
Jan 21st
4 tags
Jan 20th
8 notes
3 tags
This aint my first rodeo
I just had a cab driver try to rip me off, but then I turned into a maniac and he admitted it and drove me for free. I fucking hate people. I swear you can’t leave your house.
Jan 19th
3 tags
Jan 17th
3 tags
Jan 16th
1 tag
I haven't seen my fat alley cat in over a week
Usually it circles my car when I’m trying to parallel park. I’m going to assume that some nice loving person took it in for the winter and that the busy street I live on has nothing to do with it. Or I’ve fed it too much and it’s trapped by it’s obesity somewhere.
Jan 11th
1 tag
Jan 11th
3 tags
Jan 5th
4 tags
My doctor was swabbing the back of my throat to...
and he said “You’re good at this!”
Jan 3rd
16 notes
December 2011
6 posts
3 tags
Dec 31st
2 tags
Dec 29th
1 tag
Dec 29th
11 notes
3 tags
Dec 4th
15 notes
3 tags
Dec 3rd
3 tags
Dec 1st
85 notes
4 tags
This past weekend and this week
I’ve been redoing my grandmother’s kitchen, which turned into fixing and cleaning her attic too. So while I was at the hardware store ikea called and said they were delivering her cabinets earlier than planned, while she was alone at the house, so she loaded a gun and put it in a paper bag and then forgot where she put it. It’s still lost. tsk tsk. THEN I went through the attic...
Dec 1st
November 2011
8 posts
2 tags
Amy Sedaris on Letterman Tonight!
Maybe he’ll come to his senses and give her the full hour. P.s. Read this!  Amy Sedaris Interviews Her Best Friend and Her Worst Enemy: Amy Sedaris
Nov 23rd
2 tags
The only thing worse than running into someone you...
Running into someone that you used to be friendly with, but haven’t seen in an extremely long time that you might as well reintroduce yourself.  But I’d prefer not to run into any living person in general, avoiding stop-and-chats.
Nov 22nd
3 tags
Nov 18th
9 notes
3 tags
Nov 15th
16 notes
4 tags
Nov 11th
31 notes
3 tags
Nov 7th
11 notes
2 tags
Anonymous asked: You like old people but would you ever fuck one?
Nov 5th
7 notes
October 2011
15 posts
2 tags
What're the odds?
S-s-s-salt ‘n’ Pepa’s here
Oct 30th
10 notes
4 tags
Phyllis Diller Shrine @ The Smithsonian
Her garb The “Gag File” holding all of her jokes The Spirit of ‘76 parody Better picture The room was empty, which was a huge fucking sigh of relief after zigging and zagging through a sea of people. (not counting the stray kids poking their heads in wondering who this weird old lady was)  The original Muppets were there too!
Oct 28th
3 tags
Oct 27th
27 notes